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All Things Bright and Beautiful Preschool's Friend of the Week Program Teachers at All Things Bright and Beautiful Preschool knew that they needed to find a way to deal with the exclusive play habits of some of their junior kindergarten students. Human nature draws us to certain individuals or activities and, in children especially, there is little opportunity or need to step beyond that comfort zone. What starts as a natural, even innocent, connection between children in the classroom, can (and, often, does) turn to a physical and verbal exclusion of classmates they choose not to include in their circle. Children made comments like "You're not my friend," "You can't play here", and "You are not invited to my birthday party." These were so unacceptable that the teachers were compelled to intervene. Two years ago, teachers Heidi Higgins and Wyn Gilbert initiated a classroom program called "Friend of the Week." Friend of the Week pairs two students as determined by the teachers. It is not gender-specific and, through the course of the year, there will be as many pairings as the calendar allows. For a minimum of ten minutes each day, the Friends of the Week participate in an activity together, such as puzzles, art projects, or blocks. This can be helpful for a child who doesn't naturally gravitate to one of these areas, as someone else is making the choice and puts them in the situation of exploring a new activity, as well as getting to know their Friend of the Week better. As a way to introduce the program, the teachers role play the process of choosing an activity. When the teachers, in their role playing, model an inappropriate way to resolve a difference of opinion, the children see exactly how not to behave with their friend. When they are asked for their input on a better way to make a choice, the children are eager and quite able to offer positive suggestions on how they will work with their Friend of the Week. The list of pairings is sent home on Friday. This allows the parents to arrange play dates with the designated friend which might not otherwise have occurred. On Monday, the child in the first column picks an activity that the two will do during the Friends time period. The following day, the second child will pick the activity and they alternate through the week. On Friday, the friends have to decide together what the activity will be. If they can't decide, the teachers intervene. This results in an almost immediate resolution between the two classmates. At the end of the Friends time, the children can continue to play together or they may move on to another activity or group of children. Before the Friend program, teachers would see children at the snack table pulling chairs out from under a classmate, if that isn't whom the child wanted to sit next to. Now the adjacent chair is saved for the Friend of the Week. Photos of the pair are taken each week and posted on the bulletin board as a fun reminder. Recently, there has been a lot of concern about bullying. When describing this program, I was reluctant to label the behavior we've observed as bullying. However, in researching the topic, I found this quote by Dana Smith-Mansell: "Bullying is any continuous inappropriate behavior directed toward one individual or a group." She also identifies the fact that children will model the behavior of adults around them, including parents, teachers, and caregivers. I agree with Smith-Mansell that we must model appropriate behavior, but I also believe that we must take it a step further by intentionally facilitating appropriate behavior for children. Children are so egocentric by their very nature that, unless told that their behavior may be hurtful, they most likely will not see it. Our experience in the classroom has been that when children are advised that language or behavior is unacceptable, they will adopt more appropriate actions or words. With consistent reinforcement, the ability to include rather than dismiss another child becomes their conscious and deliberate choice. Recently, the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development released the results of a study linking early childhood experiences and the increase in aggression and bullying. Richard Tremblay, professor of pediatrics, psychiatry and psychology at the University of Montreal, has researched the topic of aggression for two decades and has concluded that "a high quality preschool environment can teach children ways to channel aggressive impulses in constructive ways, such as how to use words, negotiate, and get along with all those other pint-sized aggressors." Tremblay states that if children don't learn how to regulate their behavior, they are likely to experience difficulties with impulse control throughout their lifetime, leading to a whole host of issues, including juvenile delinquency. The Friend of the Week program has taught the children in our school a social and emotional component that we believe will serve them well, long after preschool. They are learning lessons for life! Mary Johnson is the director of All Things Bright and Beautiful Preschool. She serves as a member of the Alliance's Advisory Board.
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