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Are Children Different Than They Were 20 Years Ago?
by Dottie Palombo

The last twenty years have seen many changes in our world, from the rise of personal computers to the crumbling of the Berlin Wall to the shifting definitions of what makes a family.

Many people feel children themselves are different. But in my 20 years at the Josselyn Center for Mental Health, I know that children have not changed as much as our knowledge and understanding of how they grow and learn has changed.

We continue to see young children who are upset by family instability; who are profoundly sad; who do not want to go to school; who are unusually shy; who frequently misbehave; who seem unable to make or be a friend; who are frightened by things that they imagine or by trauma or tragedy that is all too real. Twenty years ago, those problems or disorders of childhood were assumed to be caused by an unfortunate environment or incorrect parenting.

Today, much greater emphasis is being placed on the role of endowment-the child's basic neurology, chemistry, temperament, energy, and talents. We know these traits strongly influence how an infant or toddler responds to the world around him, how he relates to others, how he learns, and the kinds of problems that are likely to occur.

Shyness is a personality trait that is a good example of the influence of endowment. In an earlier time, we would have suspected that a very shy child was inhibited, perhaps withdrawing from some tension in the family. Now we understand that shyness can be a child's natural temperament, and we know that some children are content with a quiet or modest social life. Shyness should not be considered a problem unless it interferes with the child's wish for companionship.

As we understand more about learning disabilities (which are neurological in origin), we have come to appreciate that many people have some area of limited capacity. Some are relatively minor inconveniences (such as being tone-deaf, color blind, or lacking a sense of direction). Others have a profound impact on a child's ability to deal with traditional classroom routines and instruction. If these learning disabilities have not been identified, a child may have the added burden of being viewed by others as lazy or willfully inattentive. Children who have not had the benefit of a good evaluation (and whose parens have not had the opportunity to understand what the child needs) are puzzled and distressed by day-to-day difficulties in doing what seems to be expected. This makes them especially vulnerable to problems of self-esteem.

Some types of learning disabilities can make it difficult for a child to "crack" the social code. Most children absorb basic social skills from their siblings, in play groups, nursery school, and from explicit parental instruction. Some children have enormous difficulty in this area. They cannot "read" faces and do not "hear" irony or humor or other subtleties of language. This makes it very difficult for them to master give-and-take or anticipate the consequences of their behavior. They are continually surprised and hurt by the negative reactions of others and will need help to learn successful social behavior.

We have also learned that the major psychiatric disorders of children--autism, panic disorder, major depression, and schizophrenia--have strong organic components and are not caused by bad parenting, mistakes in judgment, or a missed opportunity at some critical developmental stage. At one time, medication was considered a radical approach for the treatment of these major childhood disorders. Now it is a common option in therapy because it can relieve children of symptoms that can be very distressing and interfere with sleep, concentration, focus, and learning.

Finally, whatever concerns lead a family to seek help for their child, they should find a climate in which it is assumed that they will be allies and partners in the therapeutic process, that their experience with their children is valued, and that professionals will share their understanding, questions, and limitations in an open way.