THE FAMILY DINNER

THE FAMILY DINNER

A generation or so ago, most families sat down for dinner together almost every night. Fast forward to the 21st century and you'll find fewer families following this tradition--but probably more than you think. A recent poll conducted online by Parent Soup discovered that a little over half (51%) of families with young children ate dinner together seven nights a week, while 34% sat down together three to five nights a week. Certainly most families recognize the value of this time together, however difficult it is to attain. It's a time to touch base with one another, to enjoy nutritious food, and to share events of the day. A recent study even found a correlation between family dinners and higher graders in school.

While the numbers may be rising, having a consistent--and successful--family dinner hour isn't always an easy task. Here are a few suggestions, offered by parents and grandparents:

· Establish some "house rules" about the dinner hour that are ironclad. These might include that dinner will be at the same time each night, that the telephone will not be answered, and that the television will be off.

· One family with five children posts its evening schedule on the refrigerator, including times for dinner, cleanup, baths, homework, teeth brushing, and bedtime stories. That way, expectations are clear.

· Create a calm, friendly atmosphere during dinner. This is not the time to criticize children or fight with your spouse.

· Play classical music. This can serve a dual purpose. It has a calming effect, while introducing children to this kind of music. One family, with children ages 5 and 7, turns on classical music as a "call to order" to signal that the dinner hour is approaching and it's time to finish up activities and get ready for dinner.

· Eat in an attractive place--at the kitchen, family room, or dining room table, not on TV trays in front of the tube. The way the table looks and how the meal is served set the tone. A meal on frozen food containers with plastic utensils is different than dinner served on china at a table set with placemats and napkins.

· Eating together is a wonderful time to model appropriate table manners. Children learn manners best by watching you and other adults.

· The dinner hour is an ideal time for family members to talk together, but sometimes you need to set up a structure for these discussions. One family with a toddler and a first grader asks, "What is the best thing that happened to you today?" Does everyone talk at once in your family? Take turns going around the table or borrow an idea from Native Americans, who allow only the person holding the "talking stick" to speak. A family of six has a "talking cup" that indicated who has the floor.

· Try to serve one meal for the whole family, but don't make an issue if a child doesn't want to eat it. A family with two boys gives them the choice of the prepared menu or a bowl of cereal, no questions asked. Another family with four kids serves one meal to all except for occasional "kids' choice" dinners, when Mom makes whatever each child wants. (And when kids complain about a meal, remind them that kids' choice night will be coming soon.)

Emphasize the mealtime, not just the meal. The dinner hour can be a time that the family looks forward to all day long.