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DEVELOPING GOOD CHARACTER: HOW CAN PARENTS AND TEACHERS MAKE A DIFFERENCE?
By Howard Bultinck, Ph.D.

I remember my grandmother’s scribble on a piece of paper like it was yesterday. It was prominently taped to the mantle in the front room. My mother never referred to it. She never needed to. It was just "understood" that this was the way one acted—behaved, if you will—toward self and others, all others. The note simply read:

Your greatness is measured by your kindness.

Your education and intellect by your modesty.

Your real caliber is measured by the consideration and tolerance you have for others.

Although I sometimes strayed from abiding by those noble words, I always knew them, respected them, and, deep down inside, internalized them.

More than four decades have elapsed since I first read my grandma’s principles of life. Yet in all these years, I have taken the liberty to add only a single word. One day, not too long ago, I concluded that "tolerance" was too minimal an acceptable standard, and, as such, penned in the word "respect." Although I worried, but only briefly, that adding to my grandmother’s work of ethical art was disrespectful, I felt I had reached a higher standard by doing so. I also knew that current times called for it.

Like it or not, we are born with the power of ultimate influence over our children. Their character development is closely associated with our words and deeds. Each word and deed becomes a target for building character. It is uncanny to reflect on a childhood memory, only to conclude that the smallest offhand comment made at the kitchen table one Tuesday afternoon may be the one remembered decades later—a comment that could very well shed some light on the way one should act, think, or behave. Although one can become too concerned with worrying about every word, it is sometimes the little things, the obscure things that create long-lasting and indelible memories—some of which become the basis for character development.

Time is life’s currency. I hope that the accumulation of my children’s time as reflected in character snapshots has painted a portrait of quality and the development of good virtue. The Center for Advancement of Ethics and Character at Boston University suggests that the development of good character follows the development of the following virtues:

Justice: recognizing other people as ends valuable in themselves, not mere means, and treating them fairly, without prejudice or selfishness.

Temperance: controlling ourselves amid promises of pleasure and acquiring healthful habits.

Courage: acting on responsible moral convictions without rashness or cowardice.

Honesty: telling the truth, not deceiving others in order to manipulate them, and basing judgments on evidence.

Compassion: acquiring a sensitivity to the pain and suffering of others.

Respect: recognizing that reasonable people of goodwill can disagree civilly and often have much to learn from each other.

Wisdom: acquiring self-knowledge, right inclinations, and good judgment.

The Center has developed a "Character Education Manifesto" that details the beliefs and principles upon which character education is woven with academic excellence, personal achievement, and citizenship. It calls for the very best from all of us. The Manifesto enlists the following seven guiding principles:

1) Education in its fullest sense is inescapably a moral enterprise—a continuous and conscious effort to guide students to know and pursue what is good and what is worthwhile.

2) We strongly affirm parents as the primary moral educators of their children and believe schools should build partnership with the home. Consequently, all schools have the obligation to foster in their students personal and civic virtues such as integrity, courage, responsibility, diligence, service, and respect for the dignity of all persons.

3) Character education is about developing virtues—good habits and dispositions which lead students to responsible and mature adulthood. Virtue ought to be our foremost concern in education for character. Character education is not about acquiring the "right" views—currently accepted attitudes about ecology, prayer in school, gender, school uniforms, politics, or ideologically charged issues.

4) The teacher and the school principal are central to this enterprise and must be educated, selected, and encouraged with this mission in mind. In truth, all of the adults in the school must embody and reflect the moral authority which has been invested in them by the parents and the community.

5) Character education is not a single course, a quick-fix program, or a slogan posted on the wall. It is an integral part of school life. The school must become a community of virtue in which responsibility, hard work, honesty, and kindness are modeled, taught, expected, celebrated and continually practiced. From the classroom to the playground, from the cafeteria to the faculty room, the formation of good character must be the central concern.

6) The human community has a reservoir of moral wisdom, much of which exists in our great stories, works of art, literature, history, and biography. Teachers and students must together draw from this reservoir, both within and beyond the academic curriculum.

7) Finally, young people need to realize that forging their own characters is an essential and demanding life task. And the sum of their school experiences—in successes and failures, both academic and athletic, both intellectual and social—provides much of the raw materials for this personal undertaking.

Good character is embodied by engaging the hearts, minds, and hands of our children, in helping them to know what is good, respect what is good, and act accordingly. As parents, we want our children to mature to become good citizens with their moral gyroscope pointed in the right direction. To be successful requires all of us to reflect on who we are, what we say, how we act, and what we cherish. Only upon reflection can we begin to guide accordingly.

Recently, my wife told me that our daughter received second place in an essay contest on who influenced her the most in the development of good character. After boasting a smile and waiting to hear about my influence on my daughter, I listened to my wife read the essay in which our daughter described our son! Oh, well. I hope I influenced him.

Thanks, Grandma. Although I only met you once, you taught me well.