MANNERS: ARE THEY OLD-FASIONED OR ANOTHER WAY TO SHOW RESPECT?

Does the word 'manners' conjure up visions of your grandmother pouring tea or wearing white gloves? Are manners out of date in today's world? For generations, manners used to be routinely taught to young children by many adults not only by their parents but by grandparents, teachers, clergy, and neighbors, as well. Today, it's very different story. In fact, it's almost as though we are instructing young children on how to be rude and disrespectful. They are surrounded by poor examples, including wise-cracking kids on sit-coms, out-of-control children in public places, adults who promote their own agenda at every opportunity, and athletes who behave like toddlers on the playing field. In fact, 82% of Americans surveyed believe that children are ruder today than a generation ago and they are concerned about it.

All of this makes the parents job of teaching manners to their young children a real challenge. But it can be done. Below are some ideas:

Teach by example. Serve as a model to your own children by treating others politely and with respect. If you speak rudely to your spouse or child, your child will learn to speak rudely to you and to others. Adults may preach about having good manners, but, if they never demonstrate them, their child will imitate their poor example. This includes treating even the youngest child with the same respect you show an important adult.
Make sure that your child understands what's expected of him. Before an occasion, explain the expected behavior in a non-critical way (When we see Uncle John, look him in the eye, shake hands, and say hello). Afterward, praise the child for his correct behavior (I was so proud of the way you greeted Uncle John today.)
Help your child behave properly in public places. Explain the rules before you go. (At the library, we can look at books and talk in quiet voices, but the library rule is no loud noises or running. If that happens, we will have to leave without a book.)
Your expectations should be age-appropriate. A toddler eating with her hands is acceptable, but it is not for a school-aged child.
Point out other children behaving appropriately (and inappropriately). (How nice! That little boy held the door open for his grandmother.)
Teach your child to be gracious when receiving gifts. Even preschoolers can write thank you notes, by drawing a picture and dictating a note. So that parents don't have to nag children to write thank you notes, post a list of letters to be written after a birthday or holiday and let your child check off each name as the letters are sent.
Plan a special dinner or tea party, using your best china, linen napkins, etc., where everyone can practice their party manners.
Agree on family rules that are especially important to your family, such as swearing, table manners, or telling the truth. (It's a family rule no swearing in our house.)
Enjoy books on the subject of manners, including:
- Excuse Me: A Little Book of Manners for toddlers and young preschoolers.
- Clifford's Manners for preschoolers.
- The Little Book of Manners for Boys and Oops! The Manners Guide for Girls for elementary school children.
- Emily Post's The Gift of Good Manners for parents.