|
      |
"MOMMY, THERE ARE MONSTERS UNDER MY BED!" WHEN CHILDREN DISPLAY FEARS Your previously happy and sociable eight month old suddenly becomes frightened of her grandmother who visits only once or twice a month. When Granny reaches for him, he resists and he bursts into tears when Mother tries to put him in Granny’s arms. Your 18 month old, who has attended day care since she was six weeks old, suddenly begins to whine and cry when you are ready to drop her off at the center. Your curious and adventuresome two year old is suddenly terrified and runs from the room every time you turn on the vacuum cleaner. Or your playful, outgoing three year old suddenly becomes clingy and shy upon entering nursery school. What is happening? What has gone wrong? According to T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., and others, all children go through periods of fearfulness. Fears in young children are inevitable and are actually part of the growth process. Fears generally arise at a time when the young child is in the process of a growth spurt. They reflect the child’s new learning or recently acquired independence, and the struggle to integrate this new knowledge or ability into his or her understanding of the world and how he or she can function in that world. Fear helps the learning pro-cess in that it produces a surge of adrenaline and motivates the child to learn how to control the fear. A little bit of fear is useful to the learning process, but too much fear can overwhelm the capacity to learn. It is important for parents, caregivers and teachers to understand that having fears is a part of normal development and to be tolerant of children who may fall apart when a situation becomes overwhelming. Let’s go back to the eight month old who is suddenly fearful of Granny. This fear actually has a name and is called "stranger anxiety." This particular fear has its roots in early cognitive development when the infant, at about one month of age, begins to react differently to mother’s or father’s voice. Eight month stranger anxiety represents the infant’s consolidation of his knowledge (awareness) that there is "mother" (or primary caregiver) and then there are "others." Baby feels safe in mother's arms, but when "others" approach, they may be fearful of the stranger. It makes no difference if the "stranger" is truly a person the infant has never seen before or a relative the baby sees occasionally, such as a grandmother. Babies at this age need some personal space where they can back off and inspect the "other," in order to integrate the differences and make them familiar. At the toddler stage—anywhere from 12 to 18 months—there is another version of stranger anxiety. In this new stage, the toddler is busily exploring the world, enjoying the new found indepen-dence that comes with the ability to walk, but she also may suddenly be aware that mother is not there. Children at this age are free to explore only when they know that mother or caregiver is not too far away. Otherwise, the world can seem like a very large and very scary place. At this stage, the young child may go back and forth between her playing and the adult, in order to touch base and to receive some reassurances of her safety, as well as some admiring glances. During toddlerhood, while young children are busy acquiring the skills of walking, they often become aware of their instability. It is at this stage that children suddenly become afraid of the bathtub or of having their hair washed. The fear of losing balance causes the youngster to be especially frightened of having to lean back in the tub to have her hair washed. Of course, she also may suddenly become aware of the water rushing down the drain and fear that she, too, will be swallowed up. Loud noises, such as fire engines, ambulances, vacuum cleaners or thunder, may be frightening to young children because of their suddenness. Children at this age are in the process of trying to develop controls over their own bodies and functions. The sudden noise reminds them of their own fears of losing control. Children at this stage are particularly vulnerable to observations of adults or others’ loss of control, whether it be a verbal argument, physical abuse or a fight between two peers on the playground. People or things out of control are very frightening when you are struggling with your own controls. Other common fears during the preschool years are the fear of dogs or other biting animals. This has to do with the child’s attempts to master his own instinctual feelings about biting. ("If I wish to bite someone, then something or someone might want to bite me. I guess I’d better watch out for that dog. He might try to bite me!") The fear of the dark, the fear of monsters, witches, ghosts and the like generally come out at night. Again, these fears are related to growth spurts in the young child and have to do with the movement towards increased indepen-dence. Children at this age are striving for more autonomy, but, at the same time, have longings for dependency. ("I don’t want to dress myself!" "Feed me."). Many children between three and five express their longings to go back to being a baby (especially if there is a new baby in the household). The young child still struggles with differentiating between the real and the make-believe and engages in magical thinking. This allows him to have little trouble in believing in ghosts, monsters and witches that come in and out of the windows. Those ghosts and monsters out to get him also may represent the residue of angry and fearful feelings toward "bad" mommy or daddy who made him go to bed or refused to give him that third drink of water. Children of this age fear retaliation, and the ghosts and monsters which populate their rooms or dreams at night may have to do with their own angry feelings towards others and the expectation of punishment. Parents can best help young children with their fears when they can view the fears as part of a learning process and support their youngster's abilities to come to terms with the fear. If parents become too anxious about their children’s fears, the fears become more real and the child has a more difficult time finding constructive ways to handle their fears. Parents and caregivers can help by:
|
    |