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<< back to Early Education/Cognitive Development Connecting Parents and Teachers The first day of school marks the beginning of two important relationships: child and teacher and parent and teacher. The first relationship is the one Norman Rockwell would draw: the small child standing tall and the teacher slightly bent so they are face to face, two personalities about to make a year of it. A classic moment. But the second is the one that no one thinks about. It starts when the teacher straightens up and adult eyes meet across the head of the little one. The parent commits the act of faith: Here is my child. The teacher accepts the gift. All this happens amidst the total chaos of sorting school supplies and writing name tags. The relationship that evolves between a teacher and a parent is a wild card. There are definite points in this relationship--the beginning of school, conference time, parent participation in the classroom--when each person isn't exactly sure what the other expects. Communicating clearly with each other then will pay dividends later, especially if you encounter any problems. Two of us--a teacher (who is also a parent) and a parent--got together recently to talk about what could happen in an ideal world. These are the opinions of two people only; no scientific research here! Any "shoulds" that creep into this list are purely hopeful. At the Beginning of School A parent needs to share enough information about a child to let the teacher into the child's life. The teacher needs to tell the parent how, from the teacher's vantage point, things are going and how the child is adjusting. Together, we need to reveal enough about ourselves to be people, not just roles. How-to: Telephone the teacher or parent. Plan to linger a few minutes at drop-off or pick-up time. Ask questions when they come up. At Conference Time Let's cover what concerns us most at the beginning, so we won't run out of time. Let's talk about parenting issues--bedtimes, sibling rivalry and the like--in another session. Let's hear the teacher cover a child's growth and development in all areas. Let's discuss our expectations for the year. How-to: Parents should prepare for a conference by writing down their questions and expectations. Once you both agree on goals in the conference, discuss how the parent can support these efforts at home. Make sure you check back with each other. The conference also is a good time for parents to mention their availability and scheduling needs (i.e., Please give me more than a day's notice if it's our snack day!) Parent Participation Parents ideally should get a chance to participate in the classroom in areas in which they feel most comfortable. Volunteering during the day to help with snacks, cooking, reading, writing or crafts helps the teacher and the class. But many parents simply don't have the time. How-to: You can make your connections in different ways. Volunteer, if you can, to help with an after-hours, at-home project (this offers opportunities for connecting with the teacher and other parents). For your child, spend a few minutes in the classroom. Arrive a little early to pick up your child and watch the children listen to a story at rug time. Or linger when the children arrive in the morning and get settled. Amazingly enough, 15 minutes on your child's turf can be very revealing. Everyday Communication The "hi, how are yous" are helpful here, because they make serious conversation easier. No one likes to later start a relationship with a complaint. How-to: We can't always rely on the child to communicate messages between us, a child being as imperfect a means of communication as a broomstick is a conductor of electricity. Luckily, small children are great carriers of notes pinned to their backs. Scrawl away! If a parent has a specific concern, be sure your first phone call goes directly to the teacher. Teachers appreciate being asked first by one parent rather than last by 20 parents. What Happens if There's a Problem at School? The child will feel supported if the adults around him respond to his feelings about the situation. The facts are often what we seek, when the truths--my feelings are hurt, I'm really mad at her--are the important elements. If both the parent and the teacher respond to what Cheryl calls "the feel of it," the child is supported in all quarters. The adults then can come up with a solution to the problem (which in some cases may seem like no solution, but rather the continual support of the child through a difficult time). The teacher and parent (and sometimes child) are the front line of problem solving. If they need further help, they should turn to the principal,director, social worker, reading spe-cialist or other professionals affiliated with the school. What Happens if There's a Problem at Home? The teacher will know if something is bothering a child. A parent can help by telling the teacher that there is simply "a problem at home." There's no need to go into all the gory details, unless the parent feels compelled to do so. The teacher will keep the information confidential. There may be a point, however, when the teacher cannot handle the problem on her own and will tell the parent they need to get other professionals involved. The unspoken element of the successful parent-teacher relationship is trust. Do what it takes for you to feel it. Parenting and teaching styles may differ widely, but the adults owe it to the child they share to work out the relationship that's best for the child. Cheryl Lenet is a 1st grade teacher at Hubbard Woods School. She is a parent herself and the leader of the Hubbard Woods School Family Support Group. Kelley Fead is a parent of two children at Hubbard Woods, one of whom is starting his second year as one of Cheryl's students. |
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