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Hooray for the Average Child
By Mark Ditthardt, MSW

Average home values, commute times, stock performances, salaries, life spans, IQ's, calorie intake and miles per gallon.... We are bombarded with all kinds of data that force us to compare ourselves to some type of calculated average. These averages can be useful sources of information on various levels, but when the associations become more personal, they can leave us feeling less than valuable or capable. The media often features people who are exceptionally talented athletes, journalists and artists. Yet, rarely is the "average guy" celebrated...the guy who goes to work each day, pays his bills, obeys the traffic laws and tries to be a good citizen.

Most of us wish to see ourselves as competent and perhaps talented individuals who excel in some area of our lives. The reality is that we all have areas of strength and weakness, and, on some level, we understand that we cannot be good at everything. In certain areas of life, we are no doubt average in our abilities or performance.   It is not necessarily glamorous being average at something or having average ability in some area. Yet, by definition, the bulk of us are average, at least in some areas.

Somewhere along the way, being average has lost its value. Who of us has not felt the pressure to own something more than average? Our culture says we need the deluxe car model, the bigger home in the more exclusive neighborhood, the TV with more features.   The list goes on and on.

As parents, this "anti-average" cultural bias can impact our perception of our average performing children--those "C" or "B" students who have to work hard for everything in school; those children whose ISAT scores merely "meet," but not exceed expectations; and those children who will likely not cross the stage at the awards assembly. Parents are first confronted with comparisons in school.

The school setting is often the first place in which parents are confronted with the notion of their child being compared to some kind of average. I can recall some of the parent/teacher conferences I attended when my children were in their early elementary years. I hung on every word the teacher said, looking for a hint of concern and then braced for bad news. Both teacher feedback and the report cards themselves tended to summarize those areas where my child exceeded, met, or fell short of expectations. Over time, we learned that the learning profile of our children was varied and included areas of relative strength, average performance, and weaker performance.

To some extent the current culture of high stakes testing promotes this anxiety in us. We receive the state mandated ISAT results and learn whether our child is below, has met, or exceeds expectations. Who determines these expectations? Is it fair to reduce a student's performance to a series of numbers? Are there other more important expectations we should have for our children? If my child is wonderfully friendly and well adjusted, yet he is an average math student, can I be "OK" with this?

What can parents do to support their average children?

Being average does not have to define us. How can we help our average learners? In the classroom, average students plug along, follow the rules, and produce a satisfactory work product.   They rarely cause trouble for the teacher or their classmates.   In many of our high quality, high achieving school districts, parents can feel that their average students can't keep pace with their more academically capable classmates. Even experienced teachers can struggle with knowing how to work with the average performing student. The culture that values only high achievers leaves little room for being average. The challenge for teachers is to instruct in a way that allows students of all ability levels to have points of connection with the curriculum. Yet schools can and should be   inclusive of all students, those who have special needs, those who have high academic ability, and, yes, even those of average ability. The contributions of average students are subtler and require more careful observation on the part of teachers. The average student can be recognized for their tenacity, their consistent effort, their cooperative learning skills, their kind words to classmates, and the general sense of balance they give to a classroom.

As parents, we, too, need to be careful to observe the extraordinary aspects of our average performing children, taking every opportunity to notice what can be so easily overlooked and taken for granted. Children of all abilities need their parents' acclaim. A parent's quiet pat on the back for completing that challenging homework assignment or the encouraging words from the sidelines at a soccer game all help to promote a child's self-confidence. As parents learn to celebrate their child's accomplishments, as average as they may be, they in turn help their child to accept themselves as competent and capable individuals.

Take the time to celebrate the average child.   Let them know you see their many accomplishments.   Our average children may lack the flash, but they more than make up for it by being the glue.