BEGINNINGS AND ENDINGS: HELPING YOUNG CHILDREN WITH TRANSITIONS

BEGINNINGS AND ENDINGS: HELPING YOUNG CHILDREN WITH TRANSITIONS
By Barbara Monier, LCSW, Evanston social worker and consultant to preschools

By now, your family has probably weathered the transition from the end of the school year to your summertime routine. With the end of many of our children's structured activities, and the advent of camps, vacations, family visits, and the long, generally looser days of summer, the days can fly by in a whirlwind of fun activity.

Many of you may have been surprised at how difficult it proved for your child to transition at the end of the school year. As parents, we tend to be prepared for our children to have difficulty at the beginning of a new school year, or even a new activity, but we often neglect to realize that many children have even more difficulty as the year comes to an end. For a child who forms deep attachments, has a strong preference for structure and routine, or who has a tough time transitioning in general, the ending of the school year can be rocky, indeed.

If your child surprised you this summer in his or her strong reaction to the change, or even if you already knew that your child consistently has trouble transitioning, there are many things you can do during the remainder of the summer to help ensure that you have the smoothest possible transition the next time around - when the new school year commences at summer's end.

First of all, we need to keep in mind that school represents a separation from parents and family. And all young children have periods of separation woes throughout the entire period of early childhood, not just at the specific times you may have read about in books! Every young child has their own individual timetable for weathering separation as he moves increasingly away from the warmth and protection of family and into the wider world of school, friends and activities. Don't be surprised or alarmed if your three, four, or even five-year-old, who may have sailed right into the school year last fall with nothing more than a cheery wave good-bye, becomes clingy, tense, fearful and thoroughly resistant as she approaches her next school experience. Rest assured, it's a normal and expected part of childhood.

Think about your child for a moment. Ask yourself if he is the type of person who does best with a lot of preparation before something new, or if a lot of preparation makes him more nervous and he does better with a minimum of forewarning. Children generally fall strongly into one camp or the other! If your child generally thrives on a lot of time to adjust to new ideas, think of the entire month of August as your time to work on the transition to next school year. If your child does better with more minimal time to adjust, I would still devote at least one week to helping prepare him.

For most children, the move to a new school will mark the most difficult adjustment. If your child will be beginning kindergarten, or switching school for any reason, be especially aware that she may be struggling with fears and anxieties. I have long wondered what horrible fantasies children have about exactly what kindergarten entails, but it is a sure bet that most children have very intense worries and fears about this change, even if, at the same time, another side of them excited and eager to go.

Here are a number of easy things you can do this summer to help prepare your child:

Go out of your way to drive past the school when you are out and about. Make a short and simple comment that this is where they'll be going in the fall.
If possible, go to the school's playground once or twice a week and let them familiarize themselves with their new environment. Even if children have older siblings who attend the school, and they have been there innumerable times, this will help them to feel like the school is more theirs.
Remind them of all the times they have made new starts before in their young lives, and how well it has turned out. Every school year, every activity, every camp, every thing once had a beginning. They've already done it! They're simply going to be doing it again.
Accentuate the positive. Remind them of the new opportunities that will be involved, and try to focus on the specific things you know will be most meaningful to them. For instance, remind a highly imaginative child about drama class at school, or a mathematical puzzle-solver about the chance to join a chess team.
Be attentive to your child. Listen carefully for any indication that anxiety about the coming school year is at work, and be prepared to use these natural opportunities to be reassuring. Let them know that you believe in them, and that you know they can do it.
Keep your tone of voice light and matter-of-fact. If you are feeling anxious about your child's new journey, they will most certainly pick this up! Likewise, if you overdo your enthusiasm, your child will pick this up and become suspicious of your motives.

Remember that school represents a separation for parents as well as for our children. As we help our children prepare for the coming year, and the return to more schedules and structures, we can help prepare ourselves as well. Some of us may be counting the days until school begins; others may be dreading the loss of more family time and the looser summer days. Most of us will be feeling a bit of both, and in this, we are really just the same as our children!