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"Mommy, What's There To Do?" When Kids Are Bored Summertime used to be "lazy." Families looked forward to outdoor activity, long evenings, cold dinners, and time to relax. But this is rarely a reality in the summer of ‘98. Months ago, children were signed up for a variety of organized activities to fill those long summer days which are now anything but lazy. When the day’s activities are over, children can entertain themselves with a click of the remote or the mouse. With all the activities and entertainment available to children today, it would seem that boredom should be a thing of the past. Yet, children today often complain of being bored. Reed Larson, a psychologist at the University of Illinois, equipped children with beepers and paged them to ask if they were bored. He reported that children said they were bored a third of the time when in school and a quarter of the time when they were not. This finding seems to indicate that children cannot escape boredom, and, while we have no way to measure, it seems likely that children may be more "bored" than ever. Perhaps it is time for us to rethink what being "bored" really means for a child. Webster’s defines "bored" as "wearied with tedious dullness." Are children, with their natural curiosity and capacity for play, likely to become "weary" if left to their own devices? Could this be mostly an adult presumption? Are we too quick to jump in to fill the void when children complain of being bored? What do children really mean when they say they are bored? If we give some thought to these questions, we will perhaps be less alarmed this summer, or even next school year when/if children begin to complain of boredom. Look Closely at Child’s Boredom When a child complains of boredom, it is important to look beyond the "moaning" and probe the feelings behind the complaint. Questions such as the following may give you clues about your child’s feeling: What would you rather do now, if you could do anything? How does it feel to be bored? What do you think would happen if you just did nothing for a while? Children’s complaints of boredom may simply be pleas for more adult attention. Yet, it is not always possible or even beneficial to give in to these demands. It is reasonable to expect that a preschooler be able to entertain herself while you make a few phone calls, and for an older child to occupy one to two hours, says Jane Nelson, author of Positive Discipline A-Z (Pima Publishing). It is also possible that children may complain of boredom when they actually feel lonely. It is a good idea to consider whether your child has plenty of opportunities to play with other children his own age. Being in organized activities does not necessarily guarantee that a child will develop satisfying relationships with other children. Especially for preschoolers, play dates provide more relaxed opportunities for children to develop special friendships. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a University of Chicago psychologist, has written a great deal about boredom. He suggests that children may complain of boredom as a defense. If there "is a mismatch between what children can do and what they are expected to do," they may claim to be bored when actually they are overwhelmed. Children enjoy themselves when activities are within their developmental range and not when they have been challenged beyond their ability. Complaints of their ability. Complaints of boredom may result from either too little or too much challenge. What Should Parents Do? Sometimes children really are bored and experts agree that’s more than OK. Experts also agree that parents are often too quick to fill the void when a child is bored. We can short circuit the beneficial effects of boredom if we try to solve the problem for our children by taking them on yet another outing or signing them up for yet another activity. Children, left to their own devices, soon tire of being bored and begin to look for their own solutions. Allowing them to work through the ennui strengthens their resourcefulness as well as enhancing self-esteem by increasing confidence in their won problem-solving ability. Furthermore, boredom can be the stimulus for daydreaming, which is very beneficial to young children. Anything is possible in a daydream. In their piece, "The Fine Art of Daydreaming," Diffily and Morrison, editors of Family Friendly Communication for Early Childhood Programs (NAEYC), put it this way, "The relaxed state that occurs during a daydream allows the brain to filter out distractions of the moment and to go into a creative surge of imagination and reality." Though perhaps less previous, children’s daydreams also provide the beginnings of self-reflection and self-discovery. Stepping back and letting children solve the boredom problem for themselves is the first step. However, there are other ways we can help our children develop lifetime habits for combating boredom. Following are a few suggestions:
If we, as adults, provide unstructured time for children, we may also have the opportunity to help them make some of their daydreams a reality. Trips to the library, to the junk yard, to the hardware or craft store can be used to help them collect facts or gather materials to realize a dream. While we should let them choose their own projects, we can be there to help them evaluate the results. Left entirely to their own devices, children can come up with some pretty amazing adventures, not all of which meet with adult approval. But that’s a change we should surely take!
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